Saturday, May 4, 2013

Shardwolf: Living with my dad (Part IV)

This is the forth part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

I was nine years old and i went from living with my mom and danny and then living with my dad. and i thought this would be a great move......and it was until a few months afterward. my parents always knew that there was something wrong with me, something that needed attention, i have been on meds since i can remember. my dad and i started arguing a LOT. i was a kid, i never really understood why i could not control these raging emotions that were going on inside me. my dad, however, knew exactly what to do. it started with spankings, which i am not against. this prgressed to grabbing me and throwing me down on the bed, grabbing my face and squeezing, spiting, and if i made it to my room, he would wait there, sometimes like an hour, till i opened up, and he would just pounce.......and not in the good way. i was scared, but i was not always in the right. things would escalate and other things, but eventually i stopped having as much contact with him as i got a nanny. we interviewed a few but i chose a girl named Kellie, which was the same name as my sister Kelly. she was cool too. she took me places and eventually moved in to save money. all this time though, through my constant out bursts, i was going to doctors, and lots of them. noting ever really seemed to get better though. one of the times i remember just losing it and kellie cut up my sword i got at disney on ice, but after shouting she told me she had fallen in love with me while working with me (this had been over a year by now, and NO DIRTY THOUGHTS, I WAS TEN) . i know it was true we where great togehter. but nothing changed. my mom went to a treatment center during the latter part of my time with him. my two sisters came to live with me and my dad. i don't remember much of that, but i later learned that my dad pretty much kicked out my older sister (not his kid) and she had to live with the Daily's (see ealier post) even to this day knowing how he treated both my sisters is heart wrentching. i blocked at lot of what happened. something i remember is my dad found out i went swimming with my mom at her house and he drove over my brand new power ranger toy. how do you do that. i mean there are a million other things he could have done. when i say ran over.........i mean he put it in the driveway and RAN IT OVER WITH HIS CAR. oh i remembered there was a kid, jonathan. we played around a lot. sexually. i did not understand why what i did felt good, but i alwasy thought i was an escape from dealing with my dad. we kissed and gave each other head. i did it once with one of my dads girlfriends like 4 year old kid. it haunts me to this day wondering if i gave him pyscological issues and mess him up like i am. it was not a sexual thing at the time. it was just something in my mind that was an escape. anyway that is enough of rehashing painful memories......i will pick up where i left off tomorrow. some more dad years then i we start to go into the beginning of my treatment years....till tomorrow folks

Shard M Wolf
to all those who take the time to read this.....thank you from the bottom of my heart

Living with my dad (Original Livejournal post)

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