Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Shardwolf: The exciting conclusion (Part XIV)

This is the 14'th part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

Well when i got home and after my stint on the streets, I lived with my sister, and that was pretty cool. We got along fine, and i got a job at the Target near her.

I was doing well for a while, then i met her. Kelly was not exactly a nice person. We actually dated for a while and that was cool. I did like her. During the time i was with her, i had lost my job at Target cuz i had another one of my mania deals, and went to go work at my dads pawn shop. That did not work well since it was about 5 hours on the bus daily so i went to go work at Ihop near there. That was good for a while i was doing well i had a girlfriend, my sister on i got a two bedroom apartment.

Then Kelly broke up with me which was not a bug deal it was how she did it. She first had her friends get my to say bad stuff about me, then when i would not, she found some miniscule reason. She wanted it over but could not do it so it was her fault. And in all reality i was just some toy for her toget f her last ex, which she got back together with, i know this cuz she told me.

That was a lonely depresssing time, i had no friends though i talked to some online, i never went out. I was workign the grave yard shift and that always made it hard to do anything. So outta depreateness and just pure lonliness i slept with a hooker. Thats right i paid a women for sex and did it in my sisters bed. Then i forgot to clean up the wrapper and my sister found it and i was pretty much kicked out.

I went to go live with a room mate and stopped taking my meds. That did not work out too well since she was a pot smoking retard who hot boxed the place with her three year oldkid there. I'm not saying pot its bad its people like her who give pot a bad name. Anyway i got to te point where i was an assistant manager and got to be on the main manager on the grave yard, and i did that for about a month, when the three months of no meds just came down on me. I left right from work and went right to New Mexico. Then I came back. I did not know what i expected but, but maybe go back to the school. Oh well that did not happen so i got home and Heather (my room mater) started fighting, and i was trying to get my job back. Well they did not hire me so i got a job at the i hop near the PV mall, and moved down there in my own place. I decided to start working two jobs, and got fired from Ihop cuz i was late twice. So I was workign at Ruby Tuesdays, then at Olive Garden cuz Ruby Tuesdays was way to slow. Then i decied to go to the Army so i quit Olive Garden and go shipped to Alabamna. Then they found out i was bi-polar and had to be sent back here. Thats when i met you all. Pokey first and slowly the rest.

And that is my story for better or for worse. I have done some bad things on my life, and i have done some good thing, but i am a good person and i am sticking to it.

The exciting conclusion (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Monday, May 13, 2013

Shardwolf: SCRA (Part XIII)

This is the 13'th part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

ok so i go to SCRA.....that was the most differant progam i had ever been in. i was the youngest one in the program for once. i thought i would have a lot more freedome there. not so much. granted it there really was no school, we had classes and stuff we had to take and activities. there were some cool staff there and what not. they had a horse program there. but it was pretty gay since it was all therapy, that really turned me off horses. i did well there but had a problem with pointing fingers, and i hated it when pepople called me on it. the would only fuel my anger. i had said something about my past and it pretty much turned everyone off from me for the rest, about how i did stuff with that other guy, got me the label as gay for a while. now understand i was not totally ready to accept that yet. so i denied that all that stuff and blamed it on being young. there were these two guys named Joey and Dan. i hated them. they were like friends instantly and it made me insanly jeleous. i never had a friend like that, plus they were like perfect in everyway, at least in my eyes. everything from physical to the way the handled things. granted i knew that its was all an maniulation that made no differance to me. well they progressed through the phases that way, using manipulation, and i made me wonder why they were there. anyway um i did pretty well, and within a month was in a cabin. you start off in a big house then end up in the cabins. it was a huge place, and there was some haunted areas there too like the houses that were litteraly destroyed, scared the crap outta me. well i got to go to Six flags cuz i helped build this big horse fense outta rail road ties and that was fun, but joey and dan were able to start going to collage, even though they were not even at the right phase and i was depressed and jeleous and kinda freaked out. not good times for me. i ended up in a cabin ripping up sheets. but i bucked up and did really well for a while and got to go to the second phase which was apartment complexes a couple miles from main campus. that was cool i did an internship at a vetranary clinic. i was invovled in the building and creating of the recoreding studio, i was the one chosen to be the first and formost person using the computers and everything, helping people get their music together, i was pretty good at it. jason, the recording guy, is also the guy who taught me how to box. but he would alsways spend time with joey. i feltt left out again. in a lot of ways the same way i feel now adays. so outta extreme jeleously i went on his myspace (the one i created) and went on and made it say like sister fucker and who likes to fuck their sister I DO. oh boy i got in trouble. for about a month i was back at the ranch (the main campus) until i was able to earn going back to the second phase. then things really went up hill. i got to the third phase, patched things up with joey and all those people and started to work at subway. then after a month, and after i was 18 i decied to leave and go home. that did not work out i was there for two days and they sent me back cuz i would have been on the streets and i did not really have a choice at the point. so i got a NEW job at the vet clinic, i just did not want to do it anymore. call me making excuses but honestly the system was skewed and after a while when i explained it to my mom she agreed. well when i got home (well to phoenix) i was on the streets cuz my mom had a restraining order against me since she was scared of me. i was too afraid of my dad, and lived on the streets for a while until my sister let me stay with here. and that chapter is for tomorrow boys and girls. thanks for listening to my tale to those who have.

SCRA (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Shardwolf: 8 months with mom (Part XII)

This is the 12'th part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

So i was allowed to live at home with my mom. i started high school at horizon high school and at first everything was going really well. i was in a slight understanding of my illness but still not really understanding why i did what i did and other things. then i started going manic, i hit my mom. i hit my sister. both of them. i did not go to school for 4 days, and just stayed in bed. so my mom got in with a new therapist, Dr. Picus. it was pretty cool. she got me out of the 4 dententions i had. i used that alot to my advantage. i was a bastard i always knew how to get out of trouble. i also started to see Dr. Kalivas, who i saw until recently. i got some med changes and would do well for a few weeks but always have a major set back. i got another job at walgreens but that did not last long either, my mania once again getting the best of me. then i joined AZA, which was a jewsih fraturnity for high schools, part of the BBYO, and it was great. i made some good friends, but there was always something that made me feel like i was kinda only at certain things because i happended to hear them talking about it. in december of that year i was arrested cuz my mom was afriad of my cuz i was in such a rage that i was punching holes in the wall and i could have hurt her. i spent 2 weeks at st lukes hospital. i got out and went to a convention for the BBYO. then at the end of it i found out i got a call back for office max and was offered a job on the spot. it was cool i worked there for 4 months it was great. but i was still having the same issues. but i kept my job which was cool. i got sick on day from bad shrimp....ug that was bad. i eventually gave two weeks then did not come in the last day and got fired. but i was elected in my group to be vice president. that was awesome. i was that for a bit. then for some reason, and i don't remeber why i got on a bus, and ended up in tempe like mill and university. i was walking around all night........and ended up at az mills where i got back on a bus and ended back up at university and mills, i don't think i could find that same route again. but i ended up talking with some lesbian chicks who let me sleep in their living room and i woke up and thought it was all a dream. then i called my mom who said i was going back to a hospital when she came and got me cuz i was unstable. so i hoped a greyhound bus to LA. i walk around there for a few days. walked from hollywood and vine to the santa monica peir. for those that don't know how far that is imagine walking from desert springs mall to desert sky. and finally tired and hungry i called my mom who was freaking out. my friend and mentor picked me up and took me home from LA. then i went to the hospital. i was there on week and they told me i was going to SUWS, and they put me on a day program. i did not want to go to SUWS, it was another wilderness program. so i had another episode so bad my therapist called the police. i was arrested for criminal damage. i ripped up my moms plants. i spent 15 hours in juvie. learned my lesson there. i was back at the hospital for another week and during that time i found out that i was going to a independant living program in taos NM, called San Cristobal Ranch Acadamy. but that boys and girls is tomorrows story. i hope that anyone who reads this enjoys something or learns something about me or anything else about themselves.

8 months with mom (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Shardwolf: OCRS (Part XI)

This is the 11'th part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

lets see, i left off at graduating from island view, so it was at that point i was able to go the school OCRS. oak creek ranch school in sedona az. this was differant. it was a real school. allen popsack., Pops for short, was the head guy for academics, but there was this guy named larry. now he was at least 500lbs. i never saw him walk more then maybe 20 feet. he drove everywhere. he was the dean of students so like pretty much was in charge of the non academic part of the school, activies, walmart trips and what have you. he was a hard ass. but again my idea of getting in good with the mean people at places worked. i was kinda the golden boy there. i never go in trouble. well thats not true actually. i got a BJ from a girl there. she just started coming back to there. she was actually the first girl i ever kissed. it was pretty cool. then she took me behind the horse barn and blew that crap outta me. i forget how but we ended up getting caught and i lost some privalages. but somehow (well i can be a bit manipulative) i was an RA soon afterward. that was a resident asstant. i had all the cool privalages. i got a fridge in my dorm. i could stay up late as i wanted. it was cool. i had a tv with an antenna and DVD player with a game cube. i guess if i had the interent there i would have figured out i was a furry cuz i fantasized about Krystal. and of fox taking me from behind while krystal did me from the front lol. oh yeah......the horses. we had horse. i got pretty involved in the horse program. i was even in a show for parents day, it was neat. twice we went on a horse back overnight, where we saddled them up and rode of a couple hours to a nice little spot where we camped out and it was just good wholesome fun with the marshmellows and smores and everything.

Then i went home for the summer and decied to stay home. then i got a job at TJ maxx. that lasted 2 weeks. that was kinda that start of my whole issue with job thing. i decied i wanted to go back to OCRS. i went on the 2nd horse back over night then. i was an RA the whole time and it was SWEET. i had this awesome room mate and all sorts of stuff. after we went on break for a month before school started again, i decied i wanted to live at home. so my mom and dad and i all went to dinner and we decied that i would to the local school horizon high school. oh and for that month i worked a computer place for a guy named mark. thats where i got my first laptop. i worked for him to work it off since i did not have 400 bucks. it was very fun there. and next time it will be time to recount the tale of my 8 months at my mothers house

OCRS (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Friday, May 10, 2013

Shardwolf: Apr. 24th, 2008 (Part X)

This is the tenth part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

Well after those second six weeks of being at home i went to Island View residential treatment center, and that was whole new ball game.

it was all lock down, but not like the hospitals that i went to before. they had activities and stuff, but i was not as happy with being active there as i am now. i was only allowed to eat one meal which was probably a good thing because i was pretty over weight at the time. um lets see, i was not the best kid the first 6 month, i was trying to get to the next phase, and did not get it, so i kinda started losing it, and got on yellow zone, which meant i had to sit in a chair for a few days, but when they did not let me get off yellow, because they thought i was just giving the commitee lip service i lost it and then had to sit again in a chair for a few more days, and then they took me off, and i started to do ok again, and then i got to be able to get on the next phase, and was doing ok, i was also trying to get on the next phase, and that was taking a while. i don't remember what it was the first time, but i once again lost it and ended up sitting at a desk with nothing but the torah for 9 days. i learned a lot about the torah.

There was a rabbi that came by on thursdays and thats how i got it. then after that i started to do a turn around, things started to really go my way, i got to the third phase, and that was pretty cool i got to sleep in, and had a new therapist who i think was a lot more invested in me, but once again i started to lose control of my emotions, and then ended spending two weeks just being horrible, i was in the time out room, rubbing my crotch on others pillow, and pretty much pissed everyone off, kinda like how it is today. then i really started to shape up. i started working out, i started really figuring out how to control my emotions, though i still never understood why my moods did what i did. but i moved up and up and up and right to the top phase, i lost like 30 pounds and got all the way to the top phase YAY!!!!. i found a great school for after Island View, it was a cool place in Sedona. i graduated on the top level. i did really well. i got my coin (they gave you a coin when you graduated) and was able to go home.

Apr. 24th, 2008 (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Shardwolf: Ascent, part two, St pauls and King George School (Part IX)

This is the ninth part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

well i graduated CEDU on August 29th 2002, and was going to go St Pauls Prep here in good ol Phoeinx AZ. i was there a month. now at cedu i was used to talk to my parents every week and write and all that all i wanted. i get to st pauls and i can't do any of that. that mixed with that fact i did not know about this thing called restraint. i told something about my past that i should have kept quiet about (refer to Dad Years part one) and everyone went around saying i was gay., and not one talked to me and i just was losing it, i had no friends and it was just really hard. i finally could not take it, that mixed with the fact i had to go to church everyday, (bringing back issues with danny) i just ran away, and was trying to get to my moms house. i thought the shoulder of the highway was for walking then i foudn out differant when the police picked me up and took me to my moms. so for a week i just freaked out and went off the wall, then i woke up and then bill lane was there in my room. he was there to take me to acsent......agian. i got there and i saw a lot of the same staff. some were mad at me. then i just did not want to do it anymore, i was sick of the prgram and decied to just go off again. the sent me to the hopsital in the nearest town where i stayed one week. then i got back, and went to a new group. the people that took this group hiking were the same as my last trip so it was kinda interesting. well i a graduated and spend about 6 weeks at home. then i went to King Geoorge School. it went well for a little while. i was doing ok and the schooling was pretty good. then since i still was unable keep a hold of my emotions, since i really did not know what i really what was causing them. so after about a week i got kicked out. i mean i really went off the handle. so i went home and was there for a another 6 weeks. then i woke up to another little suprise. two big escourts that were going to take me to Island View RTC. but that is tomorrows tale. for now it is late and i must be going to bed. thanks for listening

Ascent, part two, St pauls and King George School (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Shardwolf: CEDU Middle School (Part VIII)

This is the eight part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

ok so CEDU middle school. you may be asking yourself.....what does CEDU stand for. it stands for CE what you do and DU somthing about it. supposedly some dsylexic kid was told to write see what you do and do something about it, and did it wrong. aaaaaanyway, i went there on september 1st 2000. i was good for about a week. then everything went all to hell. they did not have a time out room, but they had a raquetball court, like a real one out side. thats where you went when you were bad. one day when there was a major wind chill they took my over jacket and made me sit there for a few hours. it was VERY cold. i was in the courts a lot. i was a real bad kid. but there was alway one kid who was there for me. his name was Andy Weiss, i even escourted him to the stage for his graduation. he was there for me a lot. we had these things called raps, where for two hours we sat in a room and talked. it happened mondays tuesdays and wedsdays. i missed my visit with my mom for chirstmas cuz i told them to cancel it. they really did what you told them to do in some cases. well i was a a bad kid, i would run around naked and hump people. (not that uncommon in the furry fandom i guess :P )

Then i met matt russell, and things started to turn around. i went through my second workshop (there were 7 over the course of 2 years) and moved up to the next phase in the program. i would still have an outburst once every few months, and eventually that got me to the point where they sent me to the wilderness program. it was 6 weeks, we went hiking for two weeks and all sorts of theraputic things. we had an IRT (individual relection time) and i was scared shitless when it got dark. well i got back and was doing better, but a girl i really needed to apologize to had to leave cuz her family lost a lot of money due to 9/11. so that was hard not being able to do that. but i did well until about march when i lost it again for a morning or so. but for some reason they moved me to the next phase like a week later, and no one really thought i deseved it, and not me neither but ya know what you gonna do? anyway i went through another couple workshops and they moved me to the 4th phase. then agian before we did what was know as our values challenge, i just freaked out again. now understand a lot of my problems have been presnted to me as many differant things, so until it was shown to me as something i understood and could find solid ways to fix years later, i never understood what was going on. here at cedu i was "stuffing my feelings" but even with talking i never understood why i kept doing the things i did. well i went on through the rest of my time there with out doing anything else, and actually doing really well. i went through my last workshop, called the Integreity, there i made a contract with my self. i am courageous and trusting, that is my contract. i still try to live by it, but its harder today. i also flew that day. everyone picked me up and flew me around the room. it was great. then i graduated and max goodwin escourted me to the stage. he was my best friend. we used to call him minium badlose, he has the most posative name in the world. well i graduated and guess what happened next....tune in next time to hear the next part of the story. Till tomorrow

CEDU Middle School (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Shardwolf: Laural Ridge (Part VII)

This is the seventh part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

Well i went to Laural Ridge in july of 1999. I mean it was not everything i had expected to be honest. The brouchere always lies. Always! I never understood that it was a lock down facilty.

well when i got there, i mean it was an ok program. we had these daily sheets we had to get signed everyday. for everyday we got the enough signatures we got a "consequtive day" after every so many days you moved up a level. i made it to gold sheet, the highest. but there was this lady there. her name was cathy, ill never forget her, because she hated me. she did everything in her power to make sure i was miserable. the day i lost my gold sheet, she knew i would lose it so she ever so slowly added the minus points, only adding insult to injury. they day she quit was the greatest day of my time there. there was two girls there that i loved, liz and carla. they were great they taught me a little spanish it was great. the school was just school, but it was sucky, i mean it could not consitute as any sort of real school. but we had to go. i never ate breakfast cuz i was on a low fat diet. and my doctor was huge. i mean like MASSIVE. and i was on a low fat diet. i never ate breakfast cuz they gave me cream of wheat, toast and egg beaters. EVERYTHING WAS NASTY, except the toast, but then again the toast was covered in the cream of wheat. nasty. anyway i finally got off it, and actually got on doubles, which mean i got double portions of everything lol. well there was a period of three months where i lost it. i was supposed to go home on april 1st but i started to lose control and got extended and then just went off for about three months. then we moved units, like everyone moved to another building. and something about that turned me around.

Then they changed the program again and you could move to the top phase like with in two weeks. on the final level you can choose a privlage. there used to be one that you could walk out on your own, like around the complex. but some girl tried to run and got killed cuz she ran along the freeway trying to get out. there was another case.....a kid died cuz he "held his breath during a restraint" at 12 i believed that. today i know differant. you can't hold your breath in such a way that it would turn you blue. he would have had to to had been in a faulty restraint to die the way he did, from not being able to breath.

It was not a good time for me, they put me in his room after he died and i was totally freaked, i was afraid of ghosts, still am. Anyway after about 13 months, i was fianlly told that i was going to be leaving, and i was going to a boarding school in Running Springs California. but that is a story for tomorrow. Till then folks

Laural Ridge (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Monday, May 6, 2013

Shardwolf: The Treatment years (Part VI)

This is the sixth part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

She had betreyed me. I trusted her and she betrayed me.

She told me i was just going to see a doctor, and my mom left me at Glendale Charter Hospital. 3-28-1999 a day etched in my memory forever. this is the day i started my treak in the treatment. i was in a unit your were in at first. i was there one week, then they transfered me to residential unit. i thought i was going to be there only a week. and when they told me i was moving, then i lost it. i cryed i did not want to be there. i got sedative shots almost daily. i was a bad kid. i did not know what i was doing there, and i was young. at one point they had me on 7 medincation and i was a complete zombie.

i was there three months. i remeber on more then one occasion streaking though the unit. there was a kid there. i believe his name was charlie. he had severe autism. my mom bought him a tape player but he was not allowed to have it since the staff said he would probably break it. i wonder what happended to him. i will probably never know, but i do wonder. any way i got a home pass and was able to spend some time at my moms. she took me back and i bolted. i only ran around to the side of the building, and they caught me in the food loading area. i was crying saying how sorry i was. my mom told me my crocdile tears would not work this time. then in july of 1999, they found another place for me, this time in San Antonio texas. that is a tale to be told tomorrow. i am tired and need to sleep. i again thank all who read this for reading this.

The Treatment years (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Shardwolf: Dad Years Part Deuxe (Part V)

This is fifth part of Shardwolf's testimony. All rights belong to the original author, who published his testimony on Livejournal.

ok so where did i leave off...........oh yes, Johnathan. those were crazy times, really confusing times too. I knew something about it felt right, but i just did not know what it was. and when i was on the edge (i never actually cam) i thought i had to pee lol. I remember the first time i did it with him, we were in his pool. i don't really know exaclty how it went down, and it went from there. for over a year. Well thats all that needs to be said on that subject. so my outbursts where getting bad....so my dad had me admitted to to a day treamtent at phoenix childrens hospital. I would go there for the day then go home at night. the last day i had an outburst......and they locked me in the time out room. they mocked me. i did not understand what was going on. i just kept crying and they just kept mocking me, i was banging and kicking, and did not understand what i was doing in this locked room. this went on till i guess i just ran out of energry.

Then i got let out and went home that night. the next thing i remember was the night that was a chaning point for my life, the second so far (the first was living with my dad). i just remember losing it. i don't remember why. I grabbed a bottle of coke and was pouring it all on the white couch, and poured it into a running washer. My dad had me detained by the police, my mom came and picked me up. so i started the legal battle for me to live with her. i started the school that my sister went to. then in the middle of class, and again i could not tell you why, i exploded, i ripped papers off the wall and ran home. i remember being completly pissed off when the police called me a juvenile deliquent. so i was suspended. i ended up living with my mom for two weeks. what happened after those two weeks you maybe be asking yourself? you need to tune in tomorrow to find out what happens next.

Dad Years Part Deuxe (The original testimony on Livejournal)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Shardwolf: Living with my dad (Part IV)

This is the forth part of Shardwold's lifestory. All rights goes to the original author who posted this on Livejournal:

I was nine years old and i went from living with my mom and danny and then living with my dad. and i thought this would be a great move......and it was until a few months afterward. my parents always knew that there was something wrong with me, something that needed attention, i have been on meds since i can remember. my dad and i started arguing a LOT. i was a kid, i never really understood why i could not control these raging emotions that were going on inside me. my dad, however, knew exactly what to do. it started with spankings, which i am not against. this prgressed to grabbing me and throwing me down on the bed, grabbing my face and squeezing, spiting, and if i made it to my room, he would wait there, sometimes like an hour, till i opened up, and he would just pounce.......and not in the good way. i was scared, but i was not always in the right. things would escalate and other things, but eventually i stopped having as much contact with him as i got a nanny. we interviewed a few but i chose a girl named Kellie, which was the same name as my sister Kelly. she was cool too. she took me places and eventually moved in to save money. all this time though, through my constant out bursts, i was going to doctors, and lots of them. noting ever really seemed to get better though. one of the times i remember just losing it and kellie cut up my sword i got at disney on ice, but after shouting she told me she had fallen in love with me while working with me (this had been over a year by now, and NO DIRTY THOUGHTS, I WAS TEN) . i know it was true we where great togehter. but nothing changed. my mom went to a treatment center during the latter part of my time with him. my two sisters came to live with me and my dad. i don't remember much of that, but i later learned that my dad pretty much kicked out my older sister (not his kid) and she had to live with the Daily's (see ealier post) even to this day knowing how he treated both my sisters is heart wrentching. i blocked at lot of what happened. something i remember is my dad found out i went swimming with my mom at her house and he drove over my brand new power ranger toy. how do you do that. i mean there are a million other things he could have done. when i say ran over.........i mean he put it in the driveway and RAN IT OVER WITH HIS CAR. oh i remembered there was a kid, jonathan. we played around a lot. sexually. i did not understand why what i did felt good, but i alwasy thought i was an escape from dealing with my dad. we kissed and gave each other head. i did it once with one of my dads girlfriends like 4 year old kid. it haunts me to this day wondering if i gave him pyscological issues and mess him up like i am. it was not a sexual thing at the time. it was just something in my mind that was an escape. anyway that is enough of rehashing painful memories......i will pick up where i left off tomorrow. some more dad years then i we start to go into the beginning of my treatment years....till tomorrow folks

Shard M Wolf
to all those who take the time to read this.....thank you from the bottom of my heart

Living with my dad (Original Livejournal post)

Friday, May 3, 2013

Shardwolf: Things Get Rocky (Part III)

This is the third part of Shardwolf's lifestory. All rights goes to the author who published this on Livejournal

Well as the title says, this is when things get a little bit differant, a lot more dark, the rainbows and sunshine are no more.

I was 9, i was totally excited i got to start Mercury Mine (the big boy elementry school) and Taylor and i were going to go to school together. I don't exactly remember when he started to see my mom. What i remember is sitting on the computer (windows 95 YAY!) and my mom coming in. She told me she had gotten married. Now i was 9 and still was in the "they can still get back together" phase so i guess i felt betrayed. But i mean how does a 9 year old understand something like that. My mom was gone for a weekend and then there she is telling you she is married.

His name was Danny, and he was cool at first. he really was. I remember telling people i was Arthur Levi. We went to a place in durango, i guess he had a house there or something, and it was one of the first times i ever saw snow. i thought he was the greatest guy in the world.......and then things started to change. first it was the church thing. he was mormon and forced my sisters and i to go to his church.......you gotta understand i was raised jewish, i love being jewish and always have, so it was like i was betraying my people.

I don't know if people could really understand this, but look at is as a 9 year old who has a huge devotion to his real father deep down, who raised me jewish, and here i am sitting in an LDS church. and being forced to pray to jesus. it was really a mind fuck. and then the abuse started. he would grab me by the back of the neck and throw me around. we were skiing in durango and i we were leaving i was playing on a snow hill in the parking lot and the next thing i know i have a hang wringing my neck.. then the next time i remember was my babysitter took me on a bike ride cuz i could not sleep later in the evening.......then i went to bed afterward and a little while after i fell asleep i felt the hand and then i was thrown against the wall and got yelled at and spit at.

This went one for a few months and then i finally did not know what to do other then go live with my dad. so i did, i told me mom about Danny, and she did not really believe me. well the courts finally said i could live with my dad.....but that is the beginning of the story for tomorrow.......the dad years.

Hope you all had fun with this exciting installment till tomorrow

Things Get Rocky

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Shardwolf: The Early Years (Part II)

This is the second part of Shardwolf's lifestury. All rights goes to the original author who posted it on Livejournal

Well lets see i left off at the Nintendo i believe so lets start from there. As i told you i was attending Rainbow Montasorri which actaully is located on 64th and Thunderbird right where my ma lives. My and my sister Kelly got along real great back then, two peas in a pod if you will. There was another couple families that had kids that we hung out with, there was Collette and Mark and then there was my sisters best friend Kristian daily. She was cool and the daily's are still some of my mom's best friends. My sister was practicing for a dance things to the song "oposites attract" and i would just run up turn it up real loud and cover my ears. I was such a little ass lol.

On my forth birthday i had a pony. It was great i had all my friends there and all sorts of things. And my dad wore a shirt that had, in big huge letters, LEAVE ME ALONE. How do you wear that to your childs 4th birday? Beyond me it is. Um well there is not too much to realy report for the first few years. oh i remember my friends made this fort and i was all like "oh i am going to make my own fort" so i made my own with plank of wood against a tree and nailed it in. Looking back i really made it cuz i felt left out and kinda did my own thing, similar to what i do today. What ended up happening was they ended up coming and helping me make it a great fort lol. We played power rangers and all that.

Well that is going to be it for the day........just kinda giving you and idea of what my early childhood was like. Tomorrow i will be starting to get to the real nitty gritty of what is also known as my life. thank you again for reading.......till next time.

The Early Years (The orignal post on Livejournal)

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Shardwolf: The Beginning (Part I)

This is the first part of Shardwold life story. All rights goes to the original author who published his life story on LiveJournal.

Ok so this is Part One of an on going series until i am done telling my life to anyone who wants to listen. There will be times of brutal honesty, some profanity, and all in all there might be times you just might now want to read it for what ever reason. This is my disclaimer. You have been warned.

My tale begins on Feburary 3rd 1988, down here in Phoenix Arizona. i don't remember too much for the first couple years, but who really does. some of my first memories are with my friend, Taylor Norman. some of you might know his dad, Royal Norman, the channel three weatherman. he lived right across the street from me, we are just about the same age, about a year differance. we hung out a lot. we played power ranger. that was big when i was a kid.....the power ranger, at least for me it was. i think i kinda shows how i came to love superheros so much. they were my idols. i started school at rainbow motasourri. it was this house that actually a school. it was really cool. i used to prey for it to rain, we would have the whole day full of activities like coloring computer games, all sorts of stuff. my childhood is not, however all sunshine and rainbow. Enter my dad. My dad has always been the one person i have tried to impress. maybe thats why i constantly seek approval form all my friend, or anyone for that matter, because i never got that as a kid. i remember watching movies all my life from a goofy movies, to just about every father son movie, and just trying to figure out how they got it so wrong. dad's are distant, they are not like that. they don't play catch One of my earliest memories of him is i learned a whole bunch of stuff about the ocean i think. i get home and my dad was sitting in the driveway of my mom's house (they were already divorced). i was all excited, i was going to tell me DAD all this great stuff i learned......but my dad did not even appear to care, i remember my just kinda in dumbfoundness that he was so apathetic towards his own son. but that went the same for my brother brandon, who lives in NY. when i was young he would come and visit every year. he had a game boy but the only game i ever remember playing was ghost boy. i know i had one but i am pretty sure that i got it later on. one of my first christmases i was disappointed. i had wanted a super nintendo, and i opened all my gifts and nothing. then there.......hidden under the tree was one...more....gift.....my super nintendo, complete with super mario world. and then guess what happened? well if you REALLY want to know......you will have tune in tomorrow for another exciting adventure of Shard Wolf's life......next episode......The Early Years

oh and i made 120 which just proves my theroy of everything evening out, making the last two days about 75 a day lol

The Begining (original Livejournal Entry)