Xandir at Cross Creek Programs - Part 1 (From: Reddit.com)

The author known as Xandir gave permission to have her story published on the webpage Reddit. All rights belong to the original author.

On May 10th of 2007 at around 2:30 in the morning two strangers barged into my bedroom. I started screaming and crying, as in my mind I was sure that these two strangers had broken into my house and were going to abduct me, rape me, kill me, or in some way harm me. They immediately told me that if I did not shut up that they would handcuff me. I was not being in any way violent or threatening. I was reacting in fear for my life by being vocal and hoping that someone would come to help. I had no idea what was going on. I stopped screaming, still in fear for my life. They started going through my closet digging out clothes as I was only in a night gown. They still had not explained what was going on. I asked, frightened, what the wanted from me, trying to see if I could in some way appease them and get them to leave. They then explained that they were going to take me to a school. It took me a second to understand what they meant by this, as this was an extremely bizarre way to introduce a child to a new school. It then occurred to me that this was what my mother had arranged for my brother several years ago when she had him shipped away to Cross Creek. The two strangers were from Teen Escort Service, a for-profit company that transports teenagers, usually by force, to WWASP (World Wide Association of Specialty Programs) facilities.

I was extremely upset and cried the entire trip, but I obeyed all of their orders. Even though I was being cooperative they said it was their policy to put a belt around the bust of the child and hold the belt so that there would be no chance of attempting to run. It was so humiliating to be led around like a fucking dog around the airport. It was also extremely uncomfortable to have this strange older male putting his hand so close to my breast. I never understood how any of this was legal but definitely knew that none of it was ethical. To this day I feel extremely angered, disturbed, and violated by this entire experience. In addition to this they “forgot” all of the psychiatric medication I had been on at my house. It’s not that I am for psychiatric meds, but it certainly did not feel healthy or normal to go from taking this medication regularly, to just not having it and stopping with out tapering off of it.

From the moment I arrived at Cross Creek, I was treated as though I was broken, dirty, and inhuman. During my stay I saw many others treated this way. I had never spoken to R., the program director, before and my first experience with him was horrible. He asked me why I was there, and I told him all of the things I’d done that I could think of that could possibly be perceived as “bad”. He yelled at me, saying that I was lying and that I didn’t love or care about my parents. I was shocked and confused, unsure of what I had done to deserve this treatment from someone I had just met. To this day, the only thing I can think of that I possibly could have left out was my attraction to other females. In one of the Parent-Child seminars we were made to attend, my mother shared with me that this was one of the biggest “issues” that caused her to send me to Cross Creek. Not the drugs, not the sex (she told me she had no knowledge of me being sexually active prior to being forced to disclose it to her), not the issues with school, but just the fact that there was a possibility that one day I might fall in love with a female. Sorry for not realizing what a horrible, broken child this made me, R.

Shortly after I arrived, my “HOPE buddy” (the student they assign to “mentor” you and teach you the rules in your first few weeks) started asking me about my past, why I was there, and what issues I needed to work on. I talked briefly about my experimentation with soft drugs, my issues with depression (something I’m pretty sure most teenagers experience), and the abusive relationship I had been in with my first girlfriend. As soon as I said the words “girl” and “relationship” in the same sentence she said “STOP! STOP! We can’t talk about that.” I was filled with shame regarding my sexuality simply from the fact that I was not even allowed to talk about homosexuality in any way shape or form. Shortly after this incident I started talking to the therapist they assigned me to there about this abusive relationship I had experienced, and how it bothered me that I was not allowed to talk about a part of me that I have no control over. His response was that I DID have a choice over whether or not I was attracted to females and that I should just deal with these thoughts of same sex attraction. His opinion was that this was probably a result of some anger I had toward men, particularly my dad and that I probably just wanted to be with females because they were “safer” (even though I had been with an abusive female before!!!) He also said that ultimately this was probably just a phase and a result of my crazy teenage hormones. He believed that if I tried hard enough and ignored these thoughts and feelings one day I might marry a nice boy.

I had no interest in having a relationship with anyone there, but when other girls formed relationships with each other, the repercussions were pretty extreme. I understood why it was not allowed, as relationships are generally distracting no matter the gender of either partner, but the way people were treated was pretty unnecessary in my opinion. It usually involved lots of yelling, ostracizing, and shaming. I remember one R. meeting where two girls were being confronted about this and R. was yelling about how stupid they were being and how no one would be able to trust them now. He went on to say that he had “nothing against homosexuality, but it was not the way God intended things.” and that the Bible definitely did not condone it. These “God” and bible references were used on a regular basis, along with religious videos, praying, etc. even though Cross Creek claimed that they were not in any way religious. The rule book and protocol also appeared to be directly based off of the Mormon religion (no caffeine etc.) The program reprimanded children for telling their parents about this religious influence and regularly tried to hide it from parents. I am in no way against people having their own beliefs and following what ever religion is right for them, however I think that it’s completely and totally immoral to lie to parents about what they are getting. More on this later.

The queer shaming was present in nearly every aspect of the program, including the language used. We were not allowed to use curse words such as “shit”, or “bitch”, but I never saw anyone reprimanded for saying “fag” or “faggot.” This fostered an environment in which teasing and bullying for all sorts of things were fully tolerated. I even remember a facilitator in a seminar trying to trigger a girl by calling her a “dyke.” And no, before you say something, I really don’t care about breaking confidentiality of seminars at this point because I am fed up. What these people said and did broke me down and created so much shame inside of me.

To be continued in part 2....

Sources:

• The orignal statement on Reddit
• Datasheet about the treatment facility on Fornits Wiki

Xandir's Video

The next days we are going to publish Xandir's story. While we await the finishing touch of the formatting of the text you can watch her tell her story on a stage.

VoiceReclaimed at Green Chimneys

The author known as VoiceReclaimed gave permission to have her story published on the webpage Reddit. All rights belong to the original author.

Green Chimneys was the most traumatic experience I ever survived. When I was sent there for one summer, I had no idea of what kind of a place this was.

I was in for a rude awakening that this was not a "regular" camp when the medication cart was brought in after every meal. I later learned that there were kids who saw psychiatrists, but I don't know where the psychiatrists' offices were. I had no idea that meds and psychiatrists were involved. Althought I dodged the med bullet, I did not dodge the beatings one. (If you read GC's online statement, they say they are "authorized to medicate kids." Many survivors I've listened to say that they were given inappropriate medications and that staff experimented with meds).

There was a girl in charge of the room I was in. She was 13 and I was 10. She would beat me and the 8-year-old to a pulp. She once made me lie on the floor and walked on my back. When I yelped in pain, she said, "no phony back spasms." She beat me every single day and once even beat me so hard with a baton that I still have a scar from that beating.

School was another rude awakening. I had no idea that school was part of the routine. I thought it would be a regular camp with summer activities, not school! Even so, school was fraught with problems. The teachers would slap and kick kids; they would call kids retarded. Each grade was divided into A&B bands, e.g. 2A, 2B. I was in 5A. If you were in a B class, you were deemed "slow" and typecast as lacking intelligence.

Classes were held from 9-12 each morning. Other survivors I've talked to said that during the year, you spent more time on that farm than you ever did in class and that when you left GC, you had to play catch up in your subsequent school.

Dr. Samuel B. Ross would hold public beatings; his 2nd in command Richard B. Hill was deemed a racist by other inmates. They would make kids eat cigarettes in front of the entire inmate population. Ross and Hill once dragged a boy out of the Slop Hall because the boy said he wanted more food. Meals were meager portions. Ross even dragged a girl out of the dorm by her hair because, wonder of wonders she did not want to leave on the last day. I can't imagine why anyone would want to stay and his ill treatment of her raised that question all the more.

Ross often threatened to send kids to Rockland State. He once lit after a boy and beat him because the boy was horsing around instead of heading off to class one morning.

I would leave breakfast and head to class early so as to avoid my roomleader. I was so glad I was assigned to a table across the room from her so she couldn't hit and kick me. I would enter and exit the Slop Hall via the laundry room so as to avoid her salutory kick whenever she saw me.

Sexual behavior flourished. Once, two boys exposed themselves to me in class. I arrived early so as to avoid any beatings. The teacher I had, a Mrs. N told me I'd be in trouble just by being present and I didn't know the boys would be there! The Rosses were called in and Sameul B. Ross Jr. threatened those boys within an inch of their lives. My roomleader's brother, then in 7th grade dragged me behind the boys' dorm where 2 of his 8th grade friends were waiting. They told me to take off my clothes, and I refused. One boy said he'd pin my arms behind my back so the others could get started. I had to think of an escape, so I thought if I just kept them talking, I could make a run for it. I did. I made good and sure never to stand at the end of or behind any building after that.

I learned from other survivors that hawks and predators roamed in the boys' dorms as well. Staff and some older students were hawks. In 2001 there was an article about an 8-year-old boy who was raped by 3 older inmates.

The Girls' House dorm where all the girls slept was a nightmare. The year prior to my arrival, a man was notorious for sexual abuse. He left just before my arrival, but his wife remained and she would hit kids at the drop of a hat. The "dorm parents" were a young, punitive couple who were largely disinterested in the kids. The husband was physically and verbally abusive. The wife just verbally. She once dumped a bowl of clay on an older boy's head during an art class for no apparent reason. They both told me I was retarded and nothing I said had any value. I have 2 degrees and can read some Chinese, so I think I disproved their claim.

Another survivor, whose opinions I deeply respect has impressed upon me all the more the value of looking to the positive. This survivor, who had many horrific experiences is a good person who lives by paying it forward.

My reason for sharing my experience was not to point fingers, but to alert people as to the dangers that can take place in these RTCs. I am also reclaiming the voice that I felt was taken from me. People would not listen to me then, even when I was covered in welts and bruises. Green Chimneys was a closed community. All medical care was done by the late Sam B. Ross, Sr. whose "medical care" was to give you a once-over-lightly. Everything was done on the campus and you weren't near a shop or a town, so you were isolated. An electric fence was installed in or about the end of the summer I served there. Green Chimneys is a dangerous place.

Sources:

• Kids report being severely beaten at Green Chimneys, yet this award-winning documentary twists the story around! (Reddit.com)
• Green Chimneys datasheet on Fornits Wiki